This is me  |
 Little Thoughts by Sam : Who am I?
Well today's topic isn't all about reviews on social issues. I'm bringing it to the inside. Self reflection. And hopefully this might be useful for some people reading? Who knows ?
To get things started, let's talk about insecurities. Over the past few days, a thought had always been in my mind "do I really deserve to be who or what I am?" Well I believe that this isn't something that I only started thinking of recently. But what I don't understand is how did I even come up with this conclusion. The whole FRL Workshop from Wednesday till this evening really got me thinking about a lot of things that happen to me in life. Things that I'm resisting, moments when I'm unconsciously sending off the wrong message.
I realised how I built up and image of being outgoing and noisy just so I can hide in my hole and not show how uncomfortable I am not only with others but with myself. Honestly speaking , people who just got to know me will never believe it when I say that I don't like speaking in public, that I'm afraid to do things alone. Moving along in life, I gave myself this motto to build up an image to be liked and accepted by the "in" crowd but in that process, I lost myself. Probably sounds really cliche but still I can't help but realise that I'm not showing who I am and that is what is driving me mad. It's something that while I'm trying to overcome, I'm revisiting as well.
Leading on to the next point, acceptance. People always say that you have to accept yourself before others can accept you and the most important thing in life is to accept you for who you are, yet as easy as it may sound, it's pretty hard to come to terms with who I truly am.
Long long time ago, I'm pretty sure I was that noisy helpful kid who wanted to be part of everything, and now slowly but surely, the focus no longer seems to be jus wanting to be part of the things my friend are in. It seems to me that it's become a game of who is involved in more things, who knows more people and in general, who is more popular. For the innocent thought of just being together with friends, I turned it into a competition that was totally uncalled for. And this really worries me. What am I becoming?
Last point is action. Action not in the form of action movies but the things I've been doing. Looking back at just sem 1, I realised how much I've missed out and chose to ignore what I'm contributing tot the world around me, be it positive or negative. Essentially, I become a selfish prick who just focus on my own issues and perspectives. If you ask me to look back to what happened over the last sem, I can safely say I have forgotten 90% of what happened and its not something I want. It seems as if life is passing by and I can only focus on myself and honestly this is making me think and slowly throwing me back into my black hole.
In attempts to keep this short, I have chosen to just focus on these points. More insights upcoming over the weekends when I get on to writing the full self discovery journey at FRL.
THANKS FOR READING
SAM
Labels: Little Thoughts by Sam, random, Reflecting |
