This is me  |
 Short Short
Haven't written an entry in a pretty long while (the backlog is scary) but I really need to get this off my chest. So much had happened in this one semester, so much so that I see myself slowly crumbling. Maybe it's just me again. Maybe I'm over thinking as usual but somethings I always feel will never be the same after a while. I always remind myself not to live in my little bubble pretending that everything will remain the same in life but things always change and I always fall back into the same hole. Again and again, I disappoint myself. One summer ago, many things happened and one year later, I think too many things have changed. What I once thought was fine is no longer fine. People whom I once thought will be with me forever are just slowly leaving. People I never thought will be close came and left. And this is always the thing that gets me thinking. Why do people leave? Why must the people I trust the most, the people whom I depend on leave me? If there's nothing wrong with the world then it must be me right? 我就是那么讨人厌。Maybe that's why the world hates me. Maybe that's why I lose so much in this half a year. Can't help but tear up while I write this but I think it's important to get this all out. For the record, I don't cry anymore not because I've gotten used it or that I've grown out of this whole emotional wreck. It's because I no longer have any more tears. I act like I don't care, I act as if I don't notice the distance, I'm ignorant not because I don't see it, but because I see it and I don't want to hurt anymore. Yes, it worked, but after a while, it just keeps hurting me inside. Well, I guess the only good thing is that I'm the only one hurting. Not sure if the people who hurt me actually read this but if they do I think they'll probably understand what I'm about to say. You think that it's all over after that one talk, you act normal but nothing's changed from the talk. You call yourself sensitive but I'm not sure if you sense it. Nothing changed and all I see is you avoiding. You say that you hate me and don't want to hurt me anymore, but what you do just hurts me more. You say that everything will be fine, but deep down inside I'm sure you know that this is not fine. That's all I have to say here. Labels: 2018, All hope is gone, My Life, Sad Life, Stress |
