This is me |
 15 hours
15 hours to the start of finals (essentially the second last part of Y1) and I should really be studying considering the amount of work that I have to catch up with. Yet I'm here, 'happily' typing away instead of mugging away for a paper that I'm pretty much not prepared for (screw GER, how can one be prepared for any paper to be exact)
Well, as the AY comes to a close, there's really a lot that I want to talk about, share with the world and really just to get things off my chest. As the year pass, I realized that my sanity is slowly dwindling away, and the emotional roller coaster really isn't helping. With all the stress from welfare events and academics (which if you were wondering aren't really going very well), I find myself breaking down way too many times (and of course, for the wrong reasons as well).
Really jealous of the people who don't have self-doubt and are just confident. As much as I want to and appear to some people, I'm still far from confident. *surprise*
Yes, your welfare director who went through externals, interacting with random people, cleared internals without shaking and presentations without dying is very afraid of public speaking and stepping out of my comfort zone. Not that I haven't been out there before, but every time I step out, something bad happens and I come back in feeling a little worse than before.
Backstory Read more »Labels: 2017, Hope?, My Life, People skills, School Life, Uni Life Goodbye March
On the last day of March, I'm dedicating this relatively emotional and sentimental post to my dear friends. For those who might not know me as well, you'll probably expect me to be one of those happy go lucky person who take things really lightly and as quoted can "make friends without fears". Well, I'm not that fearless actually. I guess if you've been following this blog for long enough, or have nothing better to do and went to scroll down 200+ post to the early days (oh I cringe at those days when I literally post 3 lines for fun), you'll probably realize how badly things were going for me when I first entered secondary school. From the sadness of missing my old friends to the excitement of making new friends and eventually the pains of being betrayed by the people I trust the most. I guess you could say that all this is part and parcel of life and I guess it is with all these experiences that I've become who I am today. Read more » Labels: 2016, Friends, HWACHIE, My Life, People skills, random, Sad Life, School Life, 천사 After a long, long while...
Hello world! It's been a while since my last post ~ (well.... almost 3 months lol)
So, many things happened, from school work, PW to all the little things that happen in life and class politics (to a certain extent)
Starting off, I'd like to say that all this stuff about "class politics" and "school life stuff" is just from my POV, don't flame anyone else. If you want just confront me, I'd gladly take the flame, but please be reminded playing with fire will burn you.
Anyways, moving on...
Significant events in August, September & October...
(i) Promos (and how much I screwed it all up)
(ii) PW madness
(iii) This class and all the nonsense that I've had to deal with in the past 3 mths
(iv) LIFE (of the lack thereof)
Well, I finally found time to drop by this blog to leave a post (have really been busy with all the school work and what nots...and my other private blog tooooooo)
So promos weren’t really as great as I'd expected it to be, but neither has it been that bad. I would say I'd expect that I'd screw up so it isn't all that bad. But grades really do matter especially in such a school. I don't want to say this but this school is a VERY RESULT OREIENTED SCHOOL. You can say that learning is an important part of life and we shouldn't be focusing on our grades but who can you kid, everyone just looks at that piece of paper you hold. No one is going to care how hard you studies, how much you understand or how much you learn. The main focus here in this school and even in the society is just that piece of 'toilet paper' that can get you a good job in the future.
I have people telling me that my grades are okay already and that I should not always be so result oriented and focus on the learning process, but these people have to realize that they can only say this because they are already there. Life is already stable for them.
Another thing I'd like to bring up is that classmates really make a big difference to your school life. I am really thankful for Mahboobs and all the support they give me during my mental breakdown sessions and taking all my nonsense when I'm freaking out and stuff.
14S7C hasn’t been a bad class, but I can never say that they are the best. Everywhere we go, we’ll definitely meet people whom we don’t click with or just like to be annoying. Also, there is one point that I’m not afraid to speak up on and that would be A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THIS CLASS HAVE NO COW SENSE WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE RELATIONSHIPS. It’s like all they care about is how well they do, or how well they didn’t do relative. They talk about things (be it results or other stuff) as if there is no one around them. Have you people ever considered the feelings of others. I don’t want to name names, but there are a few people who got on my nerves during the return of papers. These people really have to learn to STFU. Be more sensitive. All you high IQ low EQ toots.
Moving on, the end of Promos marked the start of PW crazy period. We were practically sleeping 4hours every night rushing out our WR and preparing for OP (which is next MONDAY !!!!) WR really got on my nerves and I nearly exploded on people too many times to count. Also, OP is my greatest fear. You can ask me to type a proposal and write stuff but DON’T PUT ME ON STAGE. I HATE PRESENTATIONS!!!! Stage fright + low self-esteem = failure in presentations. Now back on track. WR really took up a lot of time especially when normal lessons were on going. I couldn’t really concentrate in class and was practically dying everyday. As for OP, at least we have this intensive period to prepare. Staying in school everyday just to recite the presentation over and over again. Well, it is fun sometimes. What more, there is still the final document we have to hand in (I&R) after OP(lucky I’m done with that).
I can’t really say that I LOVE PW but after a while it starts to get fun. With all the random meetings we have every weekend and all the fun times we have together, can’t help but hope that this period would stay on forever. It’s been a great experience with my group mates and really working with them and not having enough sleep together.
Time for “CLASS”
It’s the last day of school which means I have to survive with this class for another year and wheeeee I’m gone.
I really can’t bring myself to say that I enjoy being in this class. It’s like there are always times when we have fun together and really enjoy spending the time together, but there are also times when I really hope that I wasn’t in this class. Sometimes I wonder why am I even here? Would life be different if I was in another class, another school? Maybe I wouldn’t be so stressed out by the competition in this class (Yes my class is competitive even thought they don’t explicitly show it) Maybe I wouldn’t have so much hatred in my body.(Yes, I admit, I hate some people in my class and by hate, I really mean hate, despise, want to have no relations with) I know that by saying this, people who are reading will think that I’m a 2 faced bitch who is back stabbing her classmates, well let it be. I can’t always be smiling. I can’t always be the nice person taking in all that nonsense from all these annoying people. I can’t always be the person who just pretends to be blind and cover up for you people. You have to take responsibility for what you have done (or not done) you cannot always expect the minority to conform to your behavior and join you in your recklessness and disrespect. I admit that I’m not the best student, neither am I the best person, but there is one that I’m better than this group of people I’m referring to is that I own up to what I have done. Yes, I am a 2 faced bitch, but at least I have the guts to own up. Do you? Will you? We all know why you are here and where you get everything from so don’t act as if the whole world loves you. And for the rest of the class I’m fine with people who don’t get on my nerves.
The people who know me will know that I’m someone who forgives and forgets really easily. Although when I hold grudges, I’ll make sure I hold them until they are resolved. To be really honest, when I came here, I decided that I’ll not get involved with all this class things and just live my life as a normal student. Finish my 2 years here and just leave with a few close friends. That’s the reason why I didn’t even bother go for any class positions or what not. Yet, I still end up in this pile of shit. Guess that’s the life of a JAE kid in an IP dominant school. IP kids are nice people, I know many nice people out there who are really caring and in general nice people. But there are some who are #$%&*^$ idiots. So, no stereotypes. To each his own, you live your life, I’ll live mine. (In no way am I flaming the school or the system , it’s just the character of some people that annoys the hell out of me)
Now for some life updates.
After promos I’ve been on photo spree, taking pics every weekend and spending plenty of time editing photos and stuff. Life is great but I’ll be spending this holidays mostly on studying and badminton training. (Did I mention I’m in badminton, yes surprise surprise!) Sam is in badminton, not rec. badminton but the actally school team one. Really didn’t expect to get in and be the only JAE kid there. Well, it’s an honor to be on the team yet, it gets a little lonely there with all the players from High school and NYGH. Like these people have been together for at least 4 years and some even more so it’s kinda hard to fit in especially trying to play doubles cause you really need to find that special connection to play well and not end up smashing each other on the head in court.)
Also really happy to have been able to enjoy my last few days as a J1 with Mahboobs. Laughing, eating and just relaxing. I guess JAE kids really do click well with each other. You can say that we’re exclusive but you cannot say that you are not.
On a random note, A levels starts next Monday (with GP lol) All the bets to all my seniors out there, in hwach or not. A huge thank you and good luck to my failure “tuition” teacher, may the odds be in your favour.
Labels: 14S7C, 2014, CCA, Hwa Chong, Hwachi, HWACHIE, J1, Late post, Life, Mahboobs, My Life, People skills, Promos My people reading skills [Part 3]
Why do people think that I am the one who is always playing? Is it good to show them the other side of me ? Although I am in a new school , people are still seeing me as the person who is always playing . Okay , I did say that I have zero feeling , no love , no hate , but that doesn't mean that I cannot sense them . People who try to cheat me think that I trust them but ever since I left my primary school , I learnt never to trust anyone . If I think that that person is good I don't say anything , neither do I when I know that they are bad. People may think that by not having any feelings , I don't know anything around me , including who is making use of me and who is talking about me behind my backs. Some people may say that I am a very suspicious person but that's the only way I can protect myself , by having no feelings . Hope that they will understand what I am trying to say. Labels: People skills My people reading skills [Part 2]
I just realised that nobody realised my ability to read others so called minds. I know how they ar efeeling but in school I just have to act , it's my job . I have to keep up my image as the person who is always taking everything as a joke. Can't they tell ? I just cannot believe that even my closest frined , CC and MM can't tell . Maybe because I am always the one who puts up a strong front and always standing up for others so they cannot see the other and more people sensitive side of me . Labels: People skills My people reading skills [Part 1]
I don't know if I have people reading skills but I have this feeling that I know what people are actually going through there and then. I don't get it . Everyone says that I am not sensitive but what do you expect?I have been bullied in primary school and I have already built up this wall where my human feelings cannot break through. Although I know how people feel , I just cannot and don't know how to tell them and console them . I am sick of being the one who is the black hearted and insensitive one . The only way this not to happen is to be inhuman. That means to not have any feelings when doing or even saying anything. Having too many feelings may just bring you and your soul to the deepest piont of hell . I have choosen the path of the black hearted person ... Labels: People skills |
